Have you ever lost a loved one? Have you ever felt distraught when the penny dropped that this person you so dearly love is never coming back? Well one of the many things I believe is ‘Nobody ever really dies!’. Now I do know many people may disagree with this statement, especially those who are currently going through grievance but I am simply wanting to share a ray of hope that keeps pulling me out from under a the same old reoccurring grey cloud of loneliness. Here is why I believe that nobody really dies…..
When I was 13 years old I was unfortunate to have to watch my mother go through battle with cancer twice only the second time she was not strong enough to succeed. It was indeed the most life shattering experience I have ever had. I spent years feeling lost without the guidance of a loving mother, miserable without the companion of a best friend and guilty for longing to fill what was missing……because my mother had always been so much more than just a mother to me.
I went off the rails in search for someone like just like my mother with the hope that they could fill that gaping hole that she left behind that had to be accommodated by my broken heart, only to learn that this made me vulnerable to predators (power-crazed pricks who prey on the weak) and it took me years of self learning to really understand what it was that I was missing, why I was missing it and if I could ever stop missing it? What I eventually learnt was that she was my mother and the bond/relationship which we shared when she was alive, was one that would always remain unique because all the relationships we build with others are unique. After all, we are all unique!
Once I had learnt that my mother was irreplaceable, the grey cloud that blurred my sight created a thunderstorm as I felt more lost than ever having to deal with wounds that no one could help heal but it’s when our vision is out of focus that we forget about ourselves and the ability we have to heal our own wounds including negative thoughts. It can be hard to see the sun shine through the rain but when you finally do, it’s the most beautiful rainbow you have ever seen.
My rainbow appeared the very moment I became a mother. As I lay there on the hospital bed starring in amazement at my beautiful daughter I noticed that my I was resting my hands on my stomach but I was holding one hand over the other with my thumbs interlocked…..exactly the way my mother used to do and after this (and still now) I noticed many things I do, whether it’s how I hold myself or how I react or even morals that I follow, are all things my mother either did when she was alive or what she would have done if she were alive. That’s when I came to realise that she really does live on in me and I am sure she keeps living in all those other hearts she had touched.
As for me I will keep on trying to reach out to many hearts and all those who receive a piece of my heart will only see that it is from me but only I will know that is really from my mother. So for as long as I pass on all her teachings, guidance, love and kindness to as others, I know that mother never really died!
Keep strong and much love to you all.
Thanks for reading 🙂